I still find this hard to believe. My reality has shifted so drastically it doesn’t even seem real. The things that have become mundane are magical. I find myself walking on the beach with new friends that feel like old companions. Different people, different continents. I don’t believe it when I recount where I have been or where I am going next. How did this become my life? Digging my feet in the sand, talking about the things nearest my soul with old souls who are fast friend even though we just met.
All the time. Every time I introduce myself to someone new.
I am in a new place almost every day. People ask me questions I am not used to answering. I get to answer however I feel. I actually check into how I feel first and don’t just give a stock answer. Sometimes I am surprised by the answers.
Sometimes I wonder if I am lying. I don’t know what is true anymore. Where do I come from? What am I doing? What are my intentions? Where am I going? I don’t even know myself, yet a strangers inquiries can pull out some insights I did not know were just below my surface.
I never knew I had this right. In the past I prided myself on being accommodating and easy to be with. But how much of myself do I deny by allowing things to be dictated for me?
I have spiritual inclinations to find satisfaction in everything, the good in everyone, the silver lining in any situation. I still have this, but I also have a new talent for actually deciding what feels good for myself. What do I want to be doing at any given moment.
It is a luxury I am new to and it is quite nice.
I grew up thinking it was selfish to ask for what I wanted. I have a different take now, as I see that the asking gives others permission to do the same. The asking creates space for transactions to develop transparently. It lets the awkward unknowing and time wasted wondering fall away. Asking makes space for the magic. There is beauty and simplicity in stating ones desires. Not demanding or expecting but inviting in possibility.
Most people aren’t mind readers. And even if they are they still like the courtesy of a formal request. Most people want to give you what you want, sometimes it is what they want too. Sometimes they are just happy to have a suggestion. Occasionally they want nothing to do with the request and that is good to know too.
Asking is a magic I am learning to use. I ask the universe for what I want all the time. Somehow asking people is scary. But asking people is much more direct and the universe probably loves having a break from my constant inquiries. It’s happy for me to find my own sources for what I want.
I still find it difficult sometimes. I trip over my accommodating tendencies. I stumble over what it is I do want. But I am also learning that if you ask for what you want it just may well happen, if you don’t it just about never will.
I am still stunned every time it works.
Everything else is just gravy.