We are hardwired for wanting to belong. We are weaned from our mothers breasts with the idea that love and belonging are scarce. We are seduced by the idea that we must look for love to be complete, to feel whole. We are lured into forgetting that love is what we are made of. We seek to be loved and when we are thrown from the bridge of our beloved’s favor into the churning waters of untethered self doubt, it is both devastating and predictable.
We are all striving to return to the great love we came from. Some feel it with curiosity, some with deep, painful longing, some with gentle laughter at the absurdity of it all.
I went searching for something to complete me and I found the perfect illusion to give what I thought was missing. I jumped with both feet down the rabbit hole of my making.
I fell like I had never fallen before. I fell...
I didn’t consciously choose the spiritual path I have been on.
I did not set out seeking an asshole to further my liberation. Like most people, I just happened into one. As most of the romantic stories of my life, it fell right to me and I devoured it like a starving dog devours the kitchen scraps thrown out the back door. After all he was so sensitive, he had a spiritual path, he had brushed up on tantric skills in the bedroom, and his sheets were clean (an alarmingly rare quality in single men).
Let me put this on the table right now. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I don’t have the answers you are seeking. I don’t advocate you do anything like me. Most of the time I can’t tell if I am a warrior priestess on a light workers journey, or I’m just some misguided old maid making some very poor decisions.
So what are the tenants of spiritual growth through dating an asshole? It boils down to one principle, choose to look for the lesson...